Positive Want Phrases
The human mind is amazing. We learn language around the age of 3 and begin to attach meaning to words to communicate. This isn't just to communicate with others but with ourselves as well. And by using positive want phrases to communicate with ourselves, we affect our behavior, feelings, emotions, and wants.
Cognitive Behavior Therapy, or talking therapy, has been the backbone of my journey for the past 7 years. It was also my saving grace which got me out of the deep post natal depression.
Conversations we have with ourselves, when we're true to ourselves, are eye openers to our minds and to how we perceive everything. The good news - we have control over these thoughts through words and communication.
The Phrases Themselves
Lets look at some phrases: "want to" - "must" - "have to".
The first phrase "want to" is a positive phrase.
"Must" and "Have to" are negative phrases. You can feel it when you say it. No one likes talking to themselves in that way. Say these out loud:
"I have to go to work today."
"I must do my homework."
When we verbally speak these sentences the emphasis is on the "have to" and "must". They spark a negative connotation, feelings of anxiety, and unwanted emotions.
CBT tells us that when you use the negative words such as have-to and must, your wants become demands and no longer are they positive or flexible. Let's change our two phrases - say these out loud:
"I want to go to work today."
"I want to do my homework."
Immediately, your brain opens up with excitement and creativity. Just by changing these negative words, you can approach things from a positive wanting perspective to move forward with your goals.
Changing Negative Phrases to Positive Want Phrases
By changing negative phrases into positive want phrases, it allows your mind to reframe what you THINK may be a difficult event.
I do not have a great green thumb, actually I usually kill plants that I buy, however, I knew that my back garden HAD TO be weeded, a thankless job for me. So, on Saturday morning, I approached my day with a positive want phrase.
I want to clean up the garden and kill those weeds and make the garden look wonderful! I kept going with the positive phrases until I put on my wellies, pressed play on my Jamiroquai album, and pulled up the gloves. I have to say I really enjoyed my two hours of back breaking work.
Seeing the Benefits of Positive Want Phrases
Here's an exercise to get you going: (I've used my thoughts as an example)
- List up to Five important things in your life that you think you HAVE TO do. I have to...
- Go to work.
- Make money.
- Stay healthy.
- Lose weight.
- Be successful.
- Then list up to 5 important things in your life that HAVE TO happen. I have to...
- Be happy.
- Be a Mum.
- Put my relationship first.
- Stay calm.
- Finally, list up to 5 important things in your life that MUST NOT happen. I must not...
- Loose my temper.
- Judge people.
- Put unrealistic expectations on my kids.
- Go broke.
- Quick to react.
My most important phrase from above that I am working on today: I want to be successful.
You try! Write down your five important things and then change your statements to positive want statements. See your mind open before you.